09-13-2005, 12:39 PM
Where I stand now... where I am now.... it is many things to me. The heat is stifling now, the sun shining down on me through a sticky haze that lifts off grass and leaf. A fat, lazy, heavy sun, oppressive and over-ripe. It was not this way all the time... when first I came here, it was cold, very cold. My breath came as vapor, or as trails of soul-stuff drifting away from a freshly-fallen hero.
My dreams take me many places. I find my heart bound in contemplation and speculation of the nature of the other souls around me, and those beyond this place. We share in such ways as I have not shared in ages, and I forget often that there is a place beyond this. I have come here before, it seems, I have fallen asleep under these same trees, I have stared into this same fire, I have heard my name and many others besides spoken in this most holy, most terrifying sanctuary.
I was made here. I died here, and rested a while. I keep being called back, and every time I find my spirit scoured and torn and rent and mended. Many here claim to know me, but I do not know them. I know fear here, and glory, and cannot comprehend that I did not always know this. There is a place beyond here, I can feel it, where I am needed... a place of pain and suffering, where others rely on me, but I do not know where it is, or how to go there, or even if it has died long ago or has yet to be born.
I would be adrift completely if not for the words of the one who brought me here. He soothes my spirit, he guides me, he teaches me, he reminds me of who I am and what I need. I do fear him, a bit, but more, I revere him, and I know that I will soon be sundered from him.
My dreams take me many places. I find my heart bound in contemplation and speculation of the nature of the other souls around me, and those beyond this place. We share in such ways as I have not shared in ages, and I forget often that there is a place beyond this. I have come here before, it seems, I have fallen asleep under these same trees, I have stared into this same fire, I have heard my name and many others besides spoken in this most holy, most terrifying sanctuary.
I was made here. I died here, and rested a while. I keep being called back, and every time I find my spirit scoured and torn and rent and mended. Many here claim to know me, but I do not know them. I know fear here, and glory, and cannot comprehend that I did not always know this. There is a place beyond here, I can feel it, where I am needed... a place of pain and suffering, where others rely on me, but I do not know where it is, or how to go there, or even if it has died long ago or has yet to be born.
I would be adrift completely if not for the words of the one who brought me here. He soothes my spirit, he guides me, he teaches me, he reminds me of who I am and what I need. I do fear him, a bit, but more, I revere him, and I know that I will soon be sundered from him.